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Grief, as a feeling or emotion, can take many forms. Most involve loss of one kind or another on a personal level such as losing a close relation or friend thru death or emotional breakup. A person also experiences grief when they lose other things that are close to them, such as when they quit smoking (they grieve the loss of cigarettes) or even after a car accident (they grieve the loss of a favored car). Grief comes into our lives in many ways and learning to recognize and appropriately deal with it allow us to become a more serene, satisfied child of God. (See: Isaiah 53:4)
In this group, we will work on learning how to recognize and deal with our own grief in different areas of life, and also learn to recognize grief in others and learn how to help them. Members input here in the group is very much welcome and the only requirement for membership is that you have a desire to learn to recognize, cope, and work thru grief that you may have or help others to do so.

 

GROUP LEADER The Group leader for this group is Annette McEndarfer.

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    • Yes, there can be many triggers and they can come on very simply and you just have a little chuckle, but then there are those that scare the blue blazes out of me. I have one specifically about Mommy. That one is so very real when I get those feelings and thoughts, even knowing Mommy is gone and never coming back, I truly fear I maybe losing my mind. However, when that specially upsetting thought comes I tell myself to get a grip and continue on with whatever I had been doing and keep myself busy. Sometimes I think I need the men in the whitecoats to come with their special little jacket for me and take me away! Then I tell myself I'm an idiot and go on with what I was working on. Please don't call those men in the white coats to come and get me unless you make sure they will let me have my coloring books and colored pencils. (LOL) I also try to maintain a strong sense of humor. Having the ability to laugh at myself regardless of what is happening around me is a life saver at times.
    • There are so many triggers when it comes to feelings of loss or extreme grief, they fall into three boxes, Possessions, Actions and Feelings.

      Possessions: It is hard to part with a loved ones possessions after their loss, and it feels like you are wiping them away like they never existed. Doing so, as hard as it is, can save a great deal of grief in the future, however, even when we manage to do that there are still the odd item that can be found, and things like tool boxes or kitchen items that can trigger the feeling of extreme grief.

      Actions: This is when we do something that reminds us, or not being able to do something that the loved one used to do for us. It can also be places that one used to go, a favorite restaurant (even passing it in the car), a place or beauty spot that was special. Filling in forms can also be huge obstacles to get through.

      Feelings: Possibly the most obvious, it's those times when people feel very much alone, or isolated, the stronger the love bond the worse these negative feelings can be. It often feels like a part of you has been ripped out of your very soul. Having other close surviving loved ones can help, even a pet dog or cat can help, someone to live for or devote their life to. It is here that the importance of being a part of a fellowship is so important, especially if we have some sort of ministry. We all need to be a part of something, to feel needed, it may be a church or a football team, it gives us an identity, so we can say, "I am . . . . "
    • Hmmm interesting Derek. The Lord was very gracious to me several days ago in revealing to me a trigger. My children are amazing blessings but there are times since Roy's homegoing that they have in their own struggles given me attitude or been disobedient and I couldn't understand how I could be having a great day and then something with one of them would go in the wrong direction and I would eventually in the day be struck with the extreme loneliness that can take my breath away. The Lord showed me that THEIR behavior was triggering the loneliness because I was feeling undefended, unable to go to their dad for wisdom and help, nobody had my back. Knowing that brings freedom to me because I can deal with it for what it is.
  • Great discussion everyone! Please going. :-)
  • What are some lessons you've learned from your grief? I am still learning that the intense loneliness I sometimes experience is something that the Lord uses to draw me more deeply closer to Himself. I honestly struggle the most with that and it comes in waves at times when I am unprepared for it. Like sitting around a dinner table with my mother, sisters and their families whom I don't get to see and bam there it showed up.
    • Sadly or otherwise, I am an only child, so I have no siblings to drift apart from. We were a big family however, lots of aunts, uncles and cousins, none of the family were close, even before my parents died. We met last at my Mother's funeral and promised to keep in touch, exchanged e-mail addresses and telephone numbers, but no one has ever contacted me, but then neither have I attempted to make contact. I guess we moved in different circles, cousin Keith was with the Foreign Office in London, cousin Don was the Chief Electronics Engineer at the helicopter plant in Yeovil, and so on, and I was a manager in the Criminal Justice System, up in Liverpool. We never had much in common on a personal basis, so I never missed their company, there may be hundreds of them by now and I possibly will never see any of them again. I don't think families are as important in the UK than in the US, sure the nucleus is strong. up until a certain age then most families break up and go their own ways. I guess that in general, that's whay death of parents does not have the same effect on offspring here, but the loss of a spouse is just as devastating as anywhere in the west.
    • Interesting how different cultures put different value on family.
    • The one thing that I have learned that would break my mommy's heart is that she was the glue that held my sisters and our brother to each other so tightly. She worried before her passing about the 4 of us drifting apart and we have done exactly that. At least it hasn't been things going wrong between us that have caused it, just our so very busy lives and also our health. We don't do the pitch-in dinners the way we did when Mommy was here and we don't do Christmas and Thanksgiving the way we did. The families have grown so big that we don't have a place to have the holiday dinners like we used to. However, if my baby sister and I can get it all arranged, we want to start having a family picnic next summer at a local park. I am praying that the picnic becomes an annual thing.
    • Terry, a family picnic sounds lovely.
    • I understand this pattern well. After my mother crossed the River Jordan few get togethers have taken place but last Christmas season I discovered that we all did not really drift apart, but it was more like our orbits enlarged. We had a get together so hope is a good thing.
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