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  This group is designed for people that have parenting issues, questions or just want to share about your experiences. I have many sites, books and ideas as a home school mom of four sons. Please feel free to share and hopefully learn about parenting from a Christian perspective.

 

Group Leader: Kathi Hole

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  • I would like to state that the resources I mention are from my own personal experiences and that I don't agree with all the suggestions that are made. I love Kevin Leman, but believe his parenting style is a little harsh. It doesn't mean I can't still learn from his advice on marriage. We will not always agree with everything any author states, but I don't believe that it negates the value of everything that is being said. Thanks again for your opinions. It helps to know other people's perspectives as well. Since parenting is such a tough job anyway, that I believe we shouldn't be winging it, but educating ourselves.
  • I am extremely surprised that both James Dobson and Focus on the Family are allowed to advertise here. There is no way to control who advertises? No serious, humane parent should see them on a serious parenting site. No one.
    • I'm curioius Raina, why are you so opposed to those two resources? I think if one has a such a strong opinion on something they should have some information to back up said opinion. I agree with Kathi that you certainly have a right to your opinion but I do think it should be clarified and not just be an arrow thrown out there with no real purpose. I appreciate Kathi's attempts at arming parents with biblical resources.
    • Raina, I am sorry that you feel that way. I have used these resources personally in my marriage and in parenting my children. You have a right to your opinion here, but these resources will remain here.
    • These are not advertisements. They have been posted here as resources for individuals in need of help with parenting. I have messaged the group leader with your concerns.
    • Oh, man! I am so sorry! I've been caught talking out loud, Annette Mcenderfer, Kathi Hole, and Pastor Rolf Anderson! Stinkin'. My children are in their later 40s now, so maybe I should not be here. :) I was just very surprised and spoke out of turn. Please allow me to explain.

      I liked Dobson when my children were little, but the fact was that when I read his books, I only saw what I wanted to see, not what he really wrote. When they were in their teens, my eyes were opened when he told about how he chased his little dog around the room, hitting it with his belt. He thought that was funny. My jaw dropped, then I started rereading his books. I was stunned. One of the things I remember reading then was how he told parents to secretly control their children in public, while saving the parent any embarrassment, by squeezing the child's trapezius muscle until they collapse in submission.

      I don't remember anything more -- it was about 25 or so years ago. As a result of my rereading his books, with my eyes wide open, I destroyed them.

      I just assumed people knew that he taught such things. I am sorry!!
    • Raina, thanks for explaining. My experience has been very different from yours though I've purposed to only glean from others not make them my ANSWERS TO ALL. I think that helps me not take from others any what I would deem contrary teaching. We are responsible for our parenting ...not the ones we read and listen to. Anyway, since it's been 25 years since you've parented do you think it possible you may not be remembering perfectly?
    • No, I'm sorry. I meant 25 years since I saw what I did in the books. I am still parenting. To me, once a parent, always a parent. And now, I also grandparent. :) Also, as I wrote what I did above, I checked the books online, and Dobson did, indeed chase his little dog around the room with his belt, hitting it, and he seemed quite proud of his actions. When I checked about the trapezius muscle abuse, that is what he recommends. I brought up only these two items because they were the things that horrified me the most. My children were still in my home for years after this incident. They are in their 40s now.

      Of course, no one looks to such persons as their singular advisors, and I certainly did not mean to claim Dobson was my end-all answer. :) I am sorry I came across you that way. :)
    • I agree ... once a parent, always a parent. Context is so important don't you think? I'm a grandparent as well, got five of them, they sure are precious. I can understand reading things that you disagree with and no you didn't come across like he was your end all answer but I know so many do with others. They take everything that particular person says and instead of using discernment they take it as truth and well..... people fail.
    • Oh, yes! I fail! And I only recently fully learned the freedom of understanding that I fail, and that our L_RD forgives, absolves, and leads us through full repentance. Loving it! Loving the freedom of admitting that I am a sinner, forgiven! Thank you for bringing up what you did!! :)

      And you're a grandparent, too? Naw! You look too young and beautiful!

      But for me, in the Midwest, back in the '70s, as a fundamentalist Arminian, I, like so many others then/there, took Dobson completely seriously, swallowing every word I recognized. Indeed, though, I only saw what I wanted to see. I Did Not to Wake Up to What He Actually Wrote until they were in their teens!! It knocked my feet right out from under me.

      Then, I was a young, widowed parent, and just before he was killed in a plane accident, my first husband suggested that we needed to consider not hitting our children at all, for any reason. We thought it through very seriously, although neither of us had ever heard of such a thing. But on the day I got the news, I committed myself not to ever strike my children, and as I did, I wondered how I was going to do that. But I did it, with the help of Dobson, because I only read what I thought was there, not what he wrote. It worked for the 19 years I had my daughter and the 23 years I had my son. So you can imagine the shock when I read the dog and the travezius advice, along with other things he wrote. Ha-ha.

      Well, it wasn't "ha-ha" then!!
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